First step is to admit

In my younger days I have always been a happy-go-lucky person. Nothing gets in my way. I could say I was fairly problem-free, or at least I think I was. School hasn't been my specialty, but I have always been lucky for big exams. I didn't have to go through weird phases you see teenagers had to face. I admit that I had it the easy way. I'm that lucky you see. And that, sadly, has turned me into a not-so-nice person. It happens, when you take so many things for granted and never learn how to appreciate nor how to even feel bad about bad things. Yup, that was me. #Notproud

At some point in life, when you get so many bitch slaps, there will be a time when you stop for a second, and thought

"This doesn't seem so fun anymore."
"Yeah. . . I'll pass"
"Nope"
"I don't want to."
"Something else is more important."

You will grow out of it. You find the things you used to do useless, not beneficial or plain boring. You start to ponder about things, about religion, make serious decisions and judgements, think about people's feeling, think about consequences of your own actions. You grow up. You start looking for permanent happiness.

I wouldn't say I've gone through so many hardship because that is simply not true. But I learned a lot for the past 5 years. I learned about life, people, relationship, etc. How to juggle between classes and cooking. How to live on your own. How to work. How to earn. How to get back up when you fall.I'm proud to say I learned through first hand experience and through the people around me. What do you know, I'm still standing. Shaky, but still standing.

To learn a lesson, the first step is to ADMIT. I admit, that I wasn't the nicest person. I still am not. I do nasty things, I hurt people's feeling and I have wronged so many people and to God. I apologize from the bottom of my heart to the people who I have caused pain. To my parents, to my friends, my housemates, K*, my sisters, my brother, and everyone else. I will not stop trying to be better. I'm still growing.

Sharing a bad experience

I wanna share a story. A bad experience but filled with lessons to be learned. But each time I attempted an introduction, my hands get wet and my heart beats too fast. I get shaky, and I get scared. I still wanna share it because I'm sure it will be beneficial to everyone. I will share it soon when things are a little okay.

P/S: Let's take a break. Let's watch the Olympics.

Long but worth reading. Might save your life

From one of MARAH's member's wallpost:

Just to share from a friend who attended an awareness program: 

My office organised a City Survival talk for the women in the office. It was supposed to take 3 hours - which it did - and I spent another hour talking to the Safety Activist after that. His name is Capt. K. Balasuprananiam and he was fascinating. Besides helping with rescues and clean ups in post-disaster areas and human remains recovery, he has also been involved in crime investigations where the victims were murdered. He has spent a lot of time studying human behaviour and using what he has learnt to improve personal safety. The thing is that you CANNOT tell by just looking if someone is a criminal. Most crimes are crimes of opportunity so reduce the possibility of that opportunity! 

I wanted to share some of what Capt. Bala told us for your safety. I can't remember it all to write it all down here but here are some of the key things I remember from yesterday. If you have a group of friends and would like to get Capt. Bala in to give you and your friends the same talk that my office arranged for us, City Survival, you can. CIty Survival is specifically for women and women who are mothers to help them keep their daughters safe.
Capt. Bala talked about the Green Zone, Yellow Zone and Red Zone and how easy it is to slip from one zone into the next just by being incautious. He also said that women tend to have a very powerful radar but sometimes, they are complacent and they've gone from Green to Red before they realise the extent of the danger they've put themselves in. He discussed the office as an example. During the work day, it is the Green Zone - your colleagues are around. 6.30 - your colleagues begin to pack up and leave. The numbers are reduced but it's still safe. 8pm, more colleagues have left. The office is now a Yellow Zone. 10pm, the security guard comes around... even less people. 11pm the security guard comes around again and you're the only one still around. You are now in the Red Zone! What do you do? Below is advice given about taking taxis but I'd use the advice for office situations too - pick up the phone. Call or PRETEND to call someone. Apologise for "running late", say you're still in the office but about to leave. Casually mention that the security guard has come around a couple of times. Make sure the guard hears you talking to someone. LEAVE the office soon after - just as you said you would during the phone call.  

TAXI RIDES. Never take a taxi if you feel there's something funny about the taxi driver. Make an excuse like you've forgotten something, apologise for flagging him down and walk away. You can always wait for another taxi. When in a taxi, make a phone call. Tell the person that you're in the taxi "on the way over" as though you're meeting up with someone, where you are currently and that you think it will take X minutes to reach wherever you're going. Mention the colour of the taxi conversationally as well as the cab number. After that, call another person - make it seem like you're meeting a group of people. Again, talk about your location, the time it will take to reach the destination, the cab colour and the cab number, in a conversational tone. That's TWICE now you've talked about the taxi. The driver knows that at least two people are expecting you and they know what taxi you're in and how long it will take for you to reach them! 

Pepper spray - buy water-based pepper spray. If it's powder form, if the wind blows wrong, it can blow back into your own eyes! It's generally safe to buy any pepper spray from the US as there are strict regulations on the pepper spray formulation. Don't buy the China ones - lack of regulations - you don't know what they've put in and are endangering yourself and may blind yourself. With keyring pepper sprays, get the ones with the keyring at the bottom so that if you're attacked while you're driving you can pull out the pepper spray from the keyring without having the switch off the engine first. The keyring at the bottom also means your keys are below and won't block the spray trajectory if you're holding your keys when you have to use the pepper spray. 

Carabiner clip. Prevent your handbag from being stolen by using a carabiner clip to secure your handbag to a chair - especially good in restaurants. The snatch thief's not going to be able to get far if he's dragging a chair along! 

Beware of stalkers. NEVER accept mobile phones as gifts, especially smartphones. If someone wants to give you a mobile phone, you go to a shop, pick the phone you want and then let them pay for it. If it comes, already bought, find a polite way (stalkers are never rational people so this requires gentle handling!!) to reject it or change it. They could have installed spyware to track your movements, your SMSes, MMSes, emails, phone conversations and other private communications. With repairs to the phone, always take it yourself and always to an authorised dealer or distributor. If spyware is found in your phone, it's easier to pinpoint the culprit if it's not some backstreet repair joint. Authorised dealers/ distributors have a vested interest in making sure your phone is not tampered with. Never leave your phone lying around as it only takes seconds to download spyware.
Stalkers from afar! Do you know how easy it is for someone to get your mobile phone no? If they have your home address, all they have to do is call Pizza Hut or Dominos or McDonald's Delivery and say, "my girlfriend asked me to order her pizza (or burger) but I can't remember what she said she wanted. She's going to be sooo cross with me - haha! Can you tell me what she usually has?" Then the stalker gives your home address so that the Call Centre person can verify her past order details. "Ok, make that two of the same then and oh, just to check, sometime ago my girlfriend changed her mobile no. I don't know if she's updated her records with you. Can you tell me what no. you have in your records?". Now your stalker has your mobile number! 

Driving safety. Always lock your doors! Always put your handbag on the floor of the car, NEVER on the seat. Even if you're a passenger in the car, put it on the floor - not on your lap.
I'm sure you've seen this on FB:
Should you choose to take this kind of course of action, here is some advice. Always leave at least 4ft between you and the car infront at traffic lights. Once you knock the snatch thieves over, unless you have them pinned or seriously injured, get out of the car and RUN FOR IT! They likely had a parang to threaten you with when they broke your window and if they're not seriously hurt enough, they will come after you. But as my Dad always says, it's you or them...................... 

Car chase on the highway. It is not unknown for robbers to work in gangs in four cars. They hem you in in front, at the sides and at the back. Their intention is to force you to the side of the road then rob you. They have been known to rape too. TAKE OUT THE CAR BEHIND FIRST! Cars are designed to withstand collisions from the rear. Try to create as much space as possible between you and the car infront. Slam your brakes on suddenly, shove your gear into REVERSE straight back and ram the car behind you as hard as possible. YOUR INTENTION IS TO DAMAGE THEIR CAR RADIATOR. Some cars, the engine will actually drop to the ground. The cars in front and at the sides would be travelling forwards and have gone quite far ahead before realising something has happened. Use this disarray - they have to coordinate themselves, after all - to breakaway and head for the nearest toll gate. Drive to the TUNAI lane - there MUST ALWAYS an attendent there to collect the cash and HORN LIKE CRAZY to draw attention to yourself. 

If it's one car that's chasing you and you don't think you can outrun them or the speeds are getting excessive and dangerous to you, drawing attention to yourself.
Knock into the other cars on the highway/ road and cause damage. The irate car owners will give chase - now you have an entourage - and some will even call the police. Head to the nearest toll gate and TUNAI lane and horn like crazy once you get there. 

Home security. If you have an alarm system in your house, chances are the company that installed your alarm has their sticker on the alarm box for all to know that you're being protected by ADT or CHUBB or Supa8 or whatever. That brand sticker is what will help the burglar break in more easily because they'll know what tools to use and how to disarm the alarm according to the brand. If your alarm was installed by ADT, put a CHUBB sticker on instead. When the burglar attempts to disarm the alarm, he will trigger it off instead! This was exactly how a very prolific burglar who targeted houses with alarm systems was caught out and ended up in jail. 

Signs that you may be targeted for a break-in or under surveillance by someone include:
your mail goes missing - they're trying to ascertain how many people in your household as well as your spending habits and lifestyle. You get calls but when you answer, no one speaks - they're trying to ascertain how many people in your household or if they know there are usually a few people in the household, if you're alone. If you get dropped calls, create the impression there are people in the home - put on the TV to a sports channel, and answer while grumbling about lazy people who sit there watching sports and can't even answer the phone; tell them to turn down the bloody TV, etc.
Always have visitors from time to time so that there is activity in your home making it harder for someone to know if you're alone.
Most houses have grilled doors that are secured with a padlock like this:
It's is very easy to cut through or burn off those two loops of metal with acid. A padlock protector box like this:
would cover the two metal loops of the door grill and the padlock loop, slowing down someone trying to break into your home and deter them from trying if it takes too long.
One of the biggest problems when people hear screams is identifying where the screams came from. When you are at home and screaming for help, don't shout "help", shout "fire" and shout out your location (no. 2 jalan 22/3, for example) and keep screaming like a broken record. People love a good blaze and will come out to see how big it gets! To make sure you're really heard, get a loud hailer (megaphone) or have a few around the home! There are models where you can pre-record a "help" message with your address and blast it out - complete with siren sounds - by pressing one button. Good if you freeze and can't shout 'cos you're scared. Get a man with a very commanding voice to pre-record your help message for more impact. 

Battery-powered vibration alarms for doors and windows are good because they're individual systems that aren't wired to each other. Taking out one doesn't take them all out! Remember to change the batteries once a year. A good way to remember when to change the batteries - do it on your birthday. Your gift to yourself. 

Peepholes on your front door. Always have TWO - one at eye level and one lower to the ground. This is so you have a way to check if you suspect there is someone crouching outside, low to the ground. Always have a cover for your door peephole on the inside. With a simple tool held up to the peephole from the outside, burglars can actually reverse the view through your peephole to see inside your home. 

Door security chains are shockingly easy to undo using a rubber band! Don't install your security chain strip horizontally - install it at a 45 degree angle to make it harder to slide off. Those door limiter devices which look more solid aren't anymore secure. Don't assume just because you have either of those on your door, that you are safe.

Do not assume that living in a gated community or in a place with security guards makes it safer. He gave some shocking examples. Have someone in your phone list that you can summon for help and when you do, can come in 5 minutes. Store the telephone number of the nearest police stations in your phone. DO NOT call 999 cos they're slow to respond!

This is just what I can remember off the top of my head. There were a few other things but these were the most striking personal safety points.

Stay safe!

Jadilah, maka jadilah ia

“Innama amruhu idza arada syaian an yaqula lahu kun fayakun.” (Sesungguhnya urusannya-Nya apabila Dia menghendaki sesuatu hanyalah berkata kepadanya, “Jadilah!” Maka jadilah ia,” Qs. Yasin [36]:82).


Kun fayakun.

So we were at the police station just now

I hope everyone had a lovely day. I know mine started very well, and ended pretty bad. But I know all that has happened has a silver lining to it. God is Almighty and He does not simply throw bad luck to people for no reason. I believe this is one of the wake up calls He is giving us because He loves us dearly.

Me and my best friend A woke up early in the morning today to hunt down a couple of Jovian Mandagie's Aviraya pieces at Jalan TAR today. We spent two hours in that small, suffocating, humid store. We were so happy that we made a lot of friends there and exchanged many pieces between us (us and all the makcik kakak amoi adik) to find the perfect fit. The rest of the day was fine until the incident happened.

We went for tarawih at the mosque near my place. When we got there, it was already the first rakaat of isya'. Me, being a paranoid person, kept my handbag hidden in the car and only brought my wallet, my phone and my car keys into the mosque. I didn't want to bring my wallet but we had plans after tarawih so I just had to bring it with me. I placed it in front of me on the sejadah so that I can see them. On the other hand, my friend A brought her handbag in and placed it behind her. I had the thought to move her bag in front but I guess I was rushing so I proceeded with the jemaah. Imagine the regret I feel now!

What happened was. . .

During the second rakaat, her phone rang. Just as soon as we gave salam, at the end of fourth rakaat, her phone and her wallet were gone. It happened around 9 o'clock. At 9.15 PM, her bank account was totally emptied. Lucky thief guessed her PIN code correctly. It all happened within 15 minutes.

We went crazy for a while and all our sisters in the mosque were kind enough in trying to calm down the situation.

Although it didn't happened to me, it happened to my best friend and the fact that I was there and I could have prevented it made me feel guilty. The thief was just behind me, I could hear her voice, the feel when there's someone standing behind you. But you just didn't see it coming, you know?

It's Ramadhan, man. How do you stand in the face of Allah, in the mosque, when everyone is performing prayer, and still do your dirty works? How do you live like that? Do you not feel guilt? Do you not feel like human? I'm still overwhelmed and super angry but at the same time, I know that things like this happen everyday, and today it happened to us. What's more crazy? The thief picked up her phone call! It was dreadful to see your friend begging for her 2-month old phone. She would give up all the money in her account but all she wants back is her phone. But as expected, the thief didn't utter a word. All we could hear was the background music. What's more crazy? Her Facebook status is updated with a disturbing message.

To all my blog readers, please be extra careful from now on. Thieves are everywhere and they do not care how many people are surrounding you. Do not write important information such as PIN codes, account passwords, etc in your mobile phones. Do not use your birthday, your IC number or easy digit combination as PIN codes. If it happens to you, please, please block your bank account and credit cards via phone as soon as possible. I honestly do not believe the police can solve this issue so it is up to you to save what you can save.

Ramadhan kareem

Ramadhan al Mubarak to all of my muslim friends! To everyone else, I know you'll enjoy the awesome variety of food at the Ramadhan bazaars. Please don't rip your pockets off just because they're selling all your favourite food. The popiah basah, the kuih onde-onde, the lompat tikam, the laksam, the ayam percik, the tempoyak ikan patin, the sweet savoury pulut panggang (my favourite). The last thing you wanna do during the holly month is to waste. It's a blessed month people, let us all try to be better, but don't just stop there! strive to continue being better :)

Entailing the holly month of Ramadhan is the patiently awaited Eid. Those who have perfectly done their parts during Ramadhan shall feel the utmost joy during Eid, I guarantee that!

Remember the rules of Ramadhan and always remember your nawaitu :)

Paris

Visited the great Eiffel Tower today.