MFN

Tomorrow.

I used to love joining events, especially big carnivals by big hosts. I used to love performing in front of the crowd. I'm talking thousands of people! Plays, dancing, choral speaking, cheerleading, choir, nasyid (ha siapa bilang I tak pernah nasyid), and all that. I love the anxiety and the crowd and the attention and the atmosphere.

But now, blegh.. takde semangat lah. I wonder why.

I'll be performing joget melayu. Lagu Nirmala by Siti Nurhaliza. Wish me luck ;--------)

The Apology Privilege

Hello. Now I know I blog a lot these days. Well put your self in my shoes for a mo, and you will know how BFFs you will tend to be with your laptop when you're in bloody Canada during Winter. The procrastination and the tension are inevitable! I woke up to my 7.30 pm alarm and I'm still on my bed unmoved. It's 9 pm already and I have a never ending to-do list. Man, when will I ever wake up to a table of scrumptious breakfast with man slaves in bow ties standing at the corners of my bedroom? "Well good morning biceps and sixpacks, you look abs-solutely good today." LOL

Anyways, I'm not here to talk about man slave. I wanna talk about apologies. First of all, an apology is indeed a good thing to ask for when we commit a wrongdoing. An apology does not change the mistake, but to ask for it is to hope for forgiveness. Yadda Yadda Yadda. That's what you learn in your Pendidikan Moral class, am I right? No? What do you guys actually study in Pendidikan Moral? Seriously, count how many times you actually WANT that person to forgive you, that you take the apology seriously and you try to not do it again? *cricket singing* I thought so.

I may not be a saint but I am the type of person who forgives easily. Kalau I cakap I takkan maafkan tu, ala tipu je. Saja nak drama. If I hold grudges, it won't be for long. Alhamdulillah. But there is a downside of being forgiving. People will hurt you again and again and someday you'll think an apology is just a short cut to solve problems. IT IS NOT. Mark my words.

One thing you should know is that asking for forgiveness is a privilege that one should not lose. You lose it when you say sorry too much without genuinely being sorry. It's like trust. Trust is a privilege too. If you violate it, he or she has all the rights to not believe you. And then you'd say sorry. If you really are sorry, with efforts of fixing it, insyaAllah you will be forgiven.

I know when somebody is really sorry, and I know when they're just saying it. At times it makes me sick and rimas but I know it's not totally their fault. We are not aware of this privilege. We abuse it too many times. We misuse it. We take it for granted.

I hope whenever you guys try to apologize, try to make an effort to better yourself so that next time there won't be a need to apologize. Who knows, next time there will be no next time? Tuuu.... dia.... selit sikit lagu Rihanna.

Keep that privilege because once it becomes useless, what's the point of saying it?

Day Ten: One confession

I have so many confessions I can't even pick one. But I'm not gonna risk confessing something big since it's JUST a tag.

Here it goes.

I am the worst speller of all time. And I ain't even trying to fish you for "aww Nada mana ada, you pandai je eja". Truth is, I can't live without spell checks and Google. I'm comfortable speaking, but when it comes to hand written essays or anything hand written in general, I'd die. I am the worst 20-year-old-with-education speller for both Malay and English.

When I was in standard 3, my classmates laughed at me during a spelling session. I didn't know how to spell "thousand". Instead, I wrongly spelt it as "thasand". I remember that day very clearly. "Haha cikgu! Nada tak reti eja thousand. Dia eja tarzan kot"

Ouch. FML.